TheRomanticWay

Decision-making is making me crazy. Holly and I are in the midst of another life-changing decision. Do we stay in the really cool town with really cool friends and a really cool house that we renovated so artfully and romantically? Or… Do we move to a new city in a far-away really romantic state and accept a position that I’m incredibly suited to and join a team of people that I’d dearly love to work with? While we’ve not made the decision yet, I’ve already learned some things about decision-making that you just have to know.

The decision to move to Russia with our two little kids wasn’t as difficult as this one. I’ve discovered though that there are a few words that recur in decision-making talk which turn out to be serious pitfalls in the whole process. Most people often use words like right decision, best decision or words like should and ought. Those expressions are tied to some long-standing criteria totally unrelated to things of the heart and what you really want to do. They relate directly to the result of your decision rather than the journey of following through on your decision.

The right decision or best decision usually means that it’s advantageous to you in terms of financial gain, benefits, health, relationships, past-times or overall life stability. Words like should and ought usually relate to some sort of obligation to yourself, family, friends, community, faith or society as a whole.

Volumes can be written on God’s guidance and decision-making in the context of spirituality. Of course spirituality plays a huge role in our decision, but only needs to be mentioned here as it’s another discussion altogether.

You can also base your decision on whether or not it will give you joy in life or make you happy. That criteria also relates to the result of the decision and assumes that the quality of your decision-making is what will give you joy in life. That kind of thinking is erroneous at best, but the worst part of it is the pressure you feel in the decision-making process. All of your joy hangs on the correctness of this decision. If it’s wrong … oh well.

A Better Decision-Making Way

We recently met a woman who had practiced her business in a couple of large cities. Her work was successful, but she sensed it was time for a change. She checked Find Your Spot and chose a great little town about thirty minutes drive from where we live. She bought a building on the main street, did a bit of renovation, hung out her shingle, and now she’s experimenting with some very interesting things in her practice.

Our new friend wasn’t focusing so much on the outcome of her decision, but the process of following through. That is reflecting on the new things she is trying in her practice. She’s become very creative and she’s living out her decision, watching it unfold as she implements it.

If your decision isn’t a “go for broke” decision, a better way is to focus your attention on the process or the journey rather than the outcome. We’re doing that now with our own decision and choosing to live now rather than exist in a transition. We’re choosing to not focus so much on the outcome of our decision, but make our decision based on the experiences that it will bring us. We can’t guarantee the results, but we can influence the experiences every day that we watch the decision unfold.

Steps to Great Decisions

• List who your decision affects and what each person’s interests are.
• List your options without regard to outcome. What could you do or have in a perfect world? Here you list your wild dreams.
• List which things you could do on a trial basis. What could you do and then undo if you wanted? You’ll be surprised. Many are not permanent.
• List which things could be done in a series of steps over a period of time.
• Finally, decide based on an experience you hope to have, what you could try just to see what it’s like.

Following a series of steps, decisions are not nearly as threatening especially when you realize they can be undone.

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